Dear Thing 1, I quit. Love, Velma

What do you do when someone says and acts like they don’t want you in their life anymore…but they refuse to contact you to set up a time to get your stuff out of their house?

I cannot for the life of me figure out why Thing 1 is refusing to answer my calls and emails on this topic. Currently there are two theories duking it out in my head. Both may be partly true…or neither.

Anyway, theory one – he’s a controlling bastard. As long as he has my stuff, he still has control of the situation (and of me) to some extent. Not to mention, and thank you Daphne for bringing this to my attention, as long as he has my stuff I will continue to contact him periodically to try to get it back. And he can use that as proof somehow that I’m “stalking” him or needy or not letting go or whatthehellever. He can pretend to be the poor, put upon martyr having to put up with this psycho woman who won’t leave him alone.

Theory two – he doesn’t really want me to walk out of his life, but he’s incapable of doing what is necessary to get me to stay voluntarily. He’s incapable of apologizing and changing his behavior. So this is all he has to keep me tied to him. God, that’s really pathetic. I’m the one who worked to keep us together, he never really made an effort (because he never had to). And now, at the end, he’s the one who won’t do what is necessary to let me walk away.

In either event, I’m not interested in playing. My gut tells me to just walk away…let go of the stuff, deal with my guilt over abandoning the dog, just never contact him again. But part of me doesn’t want to let him keep my things. He has some clothes of mine that I really like and can’t replace easily. And he has the cake carrier that my mom gave me and I really want that back. Not to mention if I don’t return the few things I have of his, I’m sure he’ll whine about that and use it to try to make me the bad guy.

I really don’t want to have to turn this into a confrontation, but that may end up being the only choice I can live with. I’ve done it before. I drove seven hours to Lubbock to get my stuff back from the evil ex. It was ugly. But I can’t help seeing a lot of parallels between the two situations. The longer this goes on, the more I see him behaving just like my ex…and there’s a reason he’s an ex. There’s a reason he’s one of the few exes I don’t speak to. I really did not need to be subjected to this behavior again.

Dear Thing 1,

You’re a selfish, self-centered bastard. I would hope you spend the rest of your life miserable, but I don’t have to. You’ll do it whether I hope for it or not. You like being miserable and you like pulling others down with you. You can do it without me. I quit.

Love,
Velma

The good news, I have a dinner date tonight.