Dear dental insurance companies, You suck. Love, Velma.

It’s hard to know what to rant about first. Despite that fact that the “men” in my life are driving me spare, my job is hell, I’m stressed out waiting to hear from a better paying job (that I really don’t want but will take for the right money), and the world is in a wholesale state of higgledy-piggledy, my brain is currently occupied by my impending oral surgery. I am having all four wisdom teeth removed in one fell swoop next week. So looking forward to that…not. It’s a damn good thing I like soup, pudding, and mashed potatoes. ‘Cause apparently that’s all I’m eating for a while afterwards.

It’s not so much the pain I’m worried about. Though I really do appreciate every-fucking-body on earth telling me their wisdom-tooth-removal horror stories. And it’s not really going under anesthesia for the first time – though I am a little wary of that whole process. You hear about what dentists and doctors have gotten up to with unconscious patients. Not to mention the potential negative reactions some people have to anesthesia. I don’t want the last thing I see in this life to be a big, hairy hand coming at my face with a drill. But I know that’s unlikely.

No, I’m stressed out over how much the damn procedure is going to cost. I have dental insurance. Hell, most people would consider it pretty good dental insurance. (It even covers adult orthodontia, which my dentist is all over my ass about. No, I do not want braces at age 38.)

And yet I’m still going to be out several hundred dollars that I don’t have when this is all over. Better yet, the surgery will have used up every single dollar of dental coverage I have for the year. So anything else that happens between now and January 1, 2010 – it’s all out of my pocket. Bastards.

Dear dental insurance companies,

You are a total fucking scam.

Love,
Velma

Seriously, I need someone to explain to me why dental insurance is handled so differently from medical insurance. Why are they even separate in the first place? And why am I not hearing a word about dental coverage in the great health care debate?