Dear Thing 2, the world does not revolve around you. Love, Velma

Henceforth, the two most prominent “men” in my life will be referred to as Thing 1 (the local guy) and Thing 2 (the long-distance guy). I thought about going with Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, but got stuck trying to decide which one didn’t deserve the “dumber” part. So Thing 1 and Thing 2 it is. I’m sure there will be plenty of rants about Thing 1 – he’s been breaking my heart on a daily basis for a while now. But today I am highly irritated at Thing 2.

Thing 2 lives about 520 miles away from me. It could be worse, but it’s still a long way.

Anyway, Thing 2 is currently unemployed and had to move back in with his parents a couple of months ago. Very stressful. I get that.

Thing 2 and his dad and some partners are trying to start a business. Also very stressful. I get that too. Thing 2 is spending a lot of time driving all over hell’s half acre looking at vans his dad is considering buying off ebay to use for the business. And Thing 2 – he has road rage. He shouldn’t be allowed to drive at all, much less drive several hours a day.

Thing 2 is also doing a lot of physical work around his parents’ place to “earn his keep”. Physically exhausting labor. Mostly chopping down trees and pulling stumps. Leaves him worn out all the time. I get that.

And Thing 2 is allergic to where he’s living. Constant sinus problems and migraines. Which he knew before he moved there…and went anyway. Because he’s an idiot.

Anyway, there’s your background. He’s being worked like a dog, his head hurts, and he’s one cranky motherfucker. Oh, and his love life down there sucks. So he’s extra special super cranky.

So, I mentioned the whole “Velma’s heart is getting broken over and over by Thing 1” thing. The last time Thing 2 got his heart shredded…I paid for plane tickets and brought him here as soon as we could manage it to provide him with some TLC and to make him feel wanted and loved and special. ‘Cause I’m a wonderful person. And I’m good to the people I care about.

Now it’s my turn. I’m hurting. Bad. I feel utterly unwanted and if my self-esteem was any higher you might trip over it. I need him to come up here and return the favor. Am I getting that?

Well…this is a rant, so I’m sure you can figure out the answer to that question without looking at the answer key in the back of the book.

No…he is not coming to see me. Because he’s “too busy”.

TOO FUCKING BUSY

Too fucking busy to spend 3 or 4 days with someone you say you love who really needs you. Some fucking friend.

Those trees…they aren’t going anywhere. The ebay vans…also, not really going anywhere. And even if one sells, there’s always another. Not to mention his dad is perfectly capable of driving to go see them without him. And it’s not like the new business can actually start doing work in the next few days. There's government bureaucracy involved – which is a long, drawn-out process that won’t be happening today, tomorrow, or next Tuesday.

Dear Thing 2,

Stop wallowing in your own misery for five fucking minutes.

Love,
Velma

I’m tired of feeling like almost everyone takes advantage of the fact that I’m a good friend. People suck.